awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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