I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
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I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
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I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize