Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
