So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
