i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
