wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
