My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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