none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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