you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
