Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
