i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
