so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize