HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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