careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
