Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
50% drunk capacity currently
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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