i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
