So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i think i have two assholes
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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