She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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