Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
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Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
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The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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