WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
