I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Sext me about skeletons
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
