Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
