The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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