I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
