She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
