make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
