did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
