put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
