You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
