I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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