Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
