Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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