MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
