Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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