Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
