puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
