Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
