she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
