I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
