I skipped work to stalk him.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
