Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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