careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
