You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
