I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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