I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
