Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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