My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
