I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
