ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
