smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
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I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
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when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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