I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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