Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
