I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
