they need to just BURY HIM!
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
