My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I cockslap morals
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
