Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
