omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Randomize
