The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
this is an emotional support booty call
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
