I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
