Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Barsexuality is the new black.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
