Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
