I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Randomize
