dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
