So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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