remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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