So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
