I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
