Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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