i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
