Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
