So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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