No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Randomize
