I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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