Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
